8.8.19

My Dearest Fassia,

I am nearing the end of another “This Is Us.” I don’t really know why I watch it. It makes me cry pretty much every show. I feel like it hits so close to home… why put myself through that? I don’t know. Children that lost their father, messed up marriages, drinking problems, fighting, love, friends, weight issues, etc. It all hits. This show is the perfect mix of pain and fairytale. And I think that is what I have searched for in my life, that perfect mix.

As long as I can remember, my emotions have been so extreme. I feel immense pain and immense joy. I’ve tried meds… but I don’t really like it. Yeah it takes the pain away- but it also takes the joy away. That isn’t for me. At least right now.

I was trying to think about what I wanted to write in this blog and how deep I wanted to get. But right now I want to be deep. That is what I want and what I need. I need to type/talk. I don’t really know who will read this- if anybody. Maybe my sister. But that is OK. I trust her and love her! Maybe if someone does find this- they can use it to help them not feel so alone.

Not that I really feel alone. Well sometimes. Maybe that’s normal. But people don’t really talk about their feelings in depth. So who really knows? Not me!

I don’t know exactly how it works, but thank you for teaching me about myself still. Thank you for instilling in me, the strength to be myself. Sometimes it doesn’t happen right away. But I usually end up where I need to be. So here is to more struggles through life (because it happens) with my shining star leading the way.

With all the love that I possess,

Your Daughter