My Dearest Fassia,
Let’s talk about emotions. I feel like I can talk on this for forever and be well versed about it- why? Because I have tons of emotions myself! Emotions all the time!
Tonight was especially emotional. I think your granddaughter got my emotions- and sometimes my lack of ability to express them! #funnynotfunny
Tonight consisted of a couple meltdowns of varying degrees. First my 2.5 year old started, then when I couldn’t figure out what was going on, and hers got worse, mine started! My husband looked over and said- “what in the world are you crying for too???” Whoops! I didn’t know why I was crying- but that was OK because I couldn’t answer him even if I did know! I just know that I was struggle bussing hard. I felt helpless that I couldn’t make my daughter feel better. I couldn’t understand what she needed. And at that moment in time, I couldn’t fix it for her. Maybe that is OK- there are going to be a lot of things in this life that I can’t fix for her- OOOH! Is that why we go through this crap?
Her tantrum lasted a good 30 minutes. Shoe throwing, snot flowing, drooling, yelling, gasping for breath and just when you thought it was calming down- I’d say the wrong thing again!
Although we ended the night with no dinner (she didn’t want to eat, but she didn’t want us to take it away, and she didn’t want to get washed up)- we did end with a bath, combed hair, PJs on, and a somewhat smile. I thank my husband for that. He remained calm and we remained united. He didn’t tell me I was silly AND he was the one that put up with cranky bath time!
I hope that next time I can do better with her. I want to teach her how to appropriately deal with her emotions. That is going to be hard though, because I don’t always do great dealing. Usually I have to back track in my life and reassess what I could have do better.
Sometimes I look back at my life and wonder what happened that I can’t always deal appropriately. But we actually had a fairly good life. Up until a certain time- we were a happy family! I’m not a counselor (which is good because you weren’t really a fan)… so I’m not going to sit here and try to figure it out. I just don’t want my daughter to struggle like I do. I want her to be strong and fierce and amazing. She already encompasses those things… so here is to honing them for the good!
Alrighty, I’m pretty tired after working my 2 jobs yesterday and then the emotion train tonight. I’m going to go to bed, refresh and be a beast boss tomorrow at work and then an amazing mom after work.
Thank you for being my new shoulder to cry on and ear for listening. You’re so good at it! haha… dark joke. Love you.
With all the love that I possess,
Your Daughter
Letters to Fassia 