My Dearest Fassia,
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I was just looking at all my stuff for starting my Master’s Program. Crazy! It is going to be a lot- but it will be worth it in the end. Hopefully :)
And on top of that- work is crazy right now! I feel like it is either feast or famine and right now we are definitely feasting. I’m struggling with time management because there is so much to do! I am just trying to remember that I have this and things will be fine! I just need to be the boss lady that I know I am! I am continuing to work on my relentless optimism… but that is challenging too! Sometimes it is just so easy to be negative.
And on top of that too- my husband and I are in a disagreement right now. I get so frustrated, and now I’m not sure if I am in the right or wrong. I wish you were here to talk to about it. Basically, I want to go on a trip with my best friend in a couple weekends, but he doesn’t want me to go. He says that I am gone all the time, always leaving him with the kid(s). But I don’t believe that to be true! I am home a lot. In the past year, a lot of nights I was gone it was because I was working at my second job trying to make us more play money! He also finally admitted that sometimes he feels he can’t go out because I make more money than him and he doesn’t want to spend it. I think that is sweet, but absurd! He does so much around the house and with our vehicles to make up for whatever money he might make less than me. I don’t care about money in that aspect- we both work hard- we share bills, house payment, vehicle payments, etc. So therefore, we should share the benefits!
He is just terrible at communicating and talking. He doesn’t like to, or can’t always admit what his real issue is.
Or- maybe I am in the wrong. Maybe I am silly to be thinking that I can go away for a weekend without him or my daughter? Maybe I am gone too far or long or often? I need a third party who is not biased to help me out!
We are the worst fighters. We always have low blows. BUT I kind of find that refreshing. At least we can be honest with it and bounce back. I like the rawness and honesty- instead of hiding in fear and not saying anything you are feeling.
I’m sure everything will work out how it is supposed to. Just hard going through it sometimes. And I fear, because we got together so quickly, that people will judge if they know we have issues. So I don’t really talk about it as much as I should or could.
I know that we will continue to keep working on knowing each other better- and knowing what we need out of each other and finding balances. It just sucks while you are in the thick of it!
One thing we for sure agree on is how much we love our daughter! She is such a shining light in our lives. She is so “mart” (smart) and hilarious. Her personality is the best. She keeps me motivated to be a better person and work extremely hard on my relationships. I want to show her how to be awesome and successful in this life! #momgoal
With all the love that I possess,
Your Daughter
Letters to Fassia 