My Dearest Fassia,
What an emotional day! September 11- so much heartbreak and love. This is a day I can get wrapped up in- so today I stayed away. Stayed away from pictures and stories and memories. I feel for the families and friends of 9.11 so much.
Why? I have no idea. I don’t know what it’s like to be involved in an incident like that. But I just have so much emotion for things. So much empathy.
Sometimes that’s a curse and sometimes a blessing. It is a curse when I can’t overcome my own emotion. That’s when it bites me in the butt. It happens frequently. I get caught up in ridiculous things and feelings.
One thing I’m super struggling with is being a step-mom. We’ve talked about this before. But it is still hard. I can’t win. I try to be the grown up but I can’t. I have this block in my mind that I can’t cross. I wish I could break it. It isn’t the kid’s fault. Although sometimes a stinker. She is still just a kid. I should be the role model. And right now, sometimes, I’m sucking at that.
I keep telling myself tomorrow will be a better day. But it isn’t. But it also isn’t worse! I had a picture in my head of what being a step-mom was going to be. Super fun- best friends- laughing- hanging out- etc… it’s not that. It is quiet car rides, unanswered questions, awkward dinners and wonder.
I’m hoping one day for a break through. Maybe one day I can stop being my own worst enemy. Maybe.
If you have any signs you can send me… that would be great! Looking for a miracle?!
Until then…
With all the love that I possess,
Your Daughter
Letters to Fassia 