My Dearest Fassia,
Welcome to the pandemic special! It has been a while since I’ve written. I’ve let the pandemic get me down. It is crazy- every day I just wonder what you’d say about it all. On top of the COVID stuff we had a crazy election year too. I cannot believe the split between people. Fighting about politics, race, religion, sex, and anything else they can think of really. It is a scary world to raise a child in. Politics plays into the pandemic with masking and shut downs and people have just so much to say about it! Unfortunately, it has also hit our family. One of our family members has a strong opinion about politics and it spread to their ideas about masking and they were not very nice about it. They got drug down to the weeds. I wish you were around to help set it all straight.
In some good news- I finished my masters! THAT was kind of a long road. But good. I think it is important to show my daughter that you can accomplish hard things. It was a strain though- a strain on myself and my marriage. Having to spend so much time working on homework every night and less time on family was not good. Needed but not good. It was hard on me to have to make that decision- but I also knew I needed to make it now before my daughter was older.
Finishing that was kind of anticlimactic… can’t celebrate because of COVID-19, it doesn’t do anything for me in my current position, and no-one really knows! ha. I bought myself a graduation cap so when my diploma comes I can celebrate a little! Although nothing now- I believe having that will help me in the future. A good resume “padder” as you would say!
Now that school is done, I have been able to focus more on my marriage and my daughter. We’ve been playing games and having concerts in the living room and reading more books. Bedtimes are no longer hurried so I can go finish homework. It is lovely.
Now back to the pandemic- because that is all people can talk about- so why not join in?! I feel that I could be doing more… my job keeps me at home right now- which is fine- but I don’t think I am being utilized to my utmost potential. BUT I am trying to remain positive and do the best I can do in my job. Give it all I got… maybe something will come up that will make me feel more useful. I also struggle thinking my job is not that essential- it is important- but I think sometimes it is not necessary right now and I feel foolish doing what I’m doing- when people are out there with blood, sweat, and tears trying to make it through each day. Maybe I should be grateful that is not me and I am able to stay safe for my family and be a support for my friends… but that is not me! I am not a run and hide type of person- I want to be out there making a difference and helping out.
So instead of dwelling on it (too much) I am really focusing on being a strong support person for my husband, daughter, family and friends. I get down a lot, but I try real hard to come back out of it quickly.
My intentions are to write you more often. I miss talking to you and singing with you and laughing with you. I can’t believe it has been so long. I realized the other day that I think the last time I saw you and you were with it- was when you had your “exciting” appointment where they said the cancer was gone. Then it was in the hospital before my accident, and then at the end… I had mixed emotions with that.
Anyhoo. Anything you’d like to send my way to help with the positivity would be great. I didn’t even get into my marriage yet- we will save that for another day. Not anything terrible, but definitely challenging!
Until next time.
With All The Love That I Possess,
Your Daughter
Letters to Fassia 